Nicole Xifaras

When I met with Karen, she was in the process of putting her house on the market. She had actually not been living in the house for years, yet when you walked through the rooms besides the stale air, it didn't really look uninhabited. Cozy furniture beckoned you to sit and stay awhile, the kitchen table displayed a beautiful vase waiting for fresh flowers to brighten up the room. It wasn't until you walked into the children's rooms that I fully comprehended how much emotion Karen had been keeping locked up in that house.  

 

As the doors opened, I felt like I could have been walking into any teens room. Posters hung on the wall, books strewn on the floor and desk, Shelves bulged with a mix of childhood and tween treasures and clothes were bursting out of the bureaus. On its own, this wouldn't have registered much with me besides maybe needing some focused straightening uptime; however, that would have been 20 plus years ago. The children who had once occupied these rooms had since gone off to college, started careers and even families of their own. Having difficulty coping with these changes, Karen simply shut the doors and went on, but it didn't end there.

 

As life continued to move forward, part of her had remained closed off. She eventually fell in love and moved in with her fiancé. Wonderful, but the house was no longer something that brought her joy. If anything, it haunted her and became something she wanted to avoid. Years passed and the house sat empty. Occasionally she would stop by and check on things. She got married again and still the house sat, finally with some persuasion, her husband got her to concede to selling the house. That is where I stepped in, I helped her untangle from the years of neglected emotions that were stuffed away in dressers and hidden in notes in old diaries, books, and everyday living. The breakdown finally happened when plasterers had to come and repair a ceiling and plaster dust had coated the toys. She held up the barbies and with tears in her eyes and some anger she fought for a solution. At that moment she was able to not only see the enormity of the stuffed feelings and how they affected her, she was also able to make a decision to move towards fully living. The process involved removing the emotion away from the substitute object and back to what it meant to her. The barbies were cleaned off and given away. The house was completely emptied, freshly painted and ready for a new family to create their memories. Now that Karen was able to come to terms with her feelings, she was able to move on herself and completely integrate the cutoff parts of her life. Not only was this a gift to herself and her new husband, it also opened up a whole new relationship with her children, one that was based upon who they were in the moment not twenty plus years ago. Perhaps you can relate to a part of your life that has been pushed away, ignored or completely shut down. This can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Besides not living fully, others miss out on your complete presence as well. Being able to confront those hidden areas can result in truly miraculous changes in your life. Being able to imagine a new and better life, better more fulfilling relationships and even help with achieving goals.